week of jul 1st: think about the absence of something and how the shape it once filled & now leaves affects things. is it good? sad? bittersweet? write about it. 
content warning: pet death

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when our dog died, a lot of things i was so used to were suddenly taken away from me

* the click of her claws on the floor after i returned home
* her laying in my room while i did work or just chilled
* hearing her pawsteps outside my room, waiting for me to open the door to let her in
* her barking when there was noise, even though we always found it annoying
* her lapping at her water or eating kibbles
* my mom and grandmother discussing walking her or giving her treats and whatnot

it was shocking, upsetting. my mom woke me up early in the morning, crying
and our dog was gasping for air on the couch
i didn't expect it. i thought she'd be okay, or that she'd have more time
i still had to go to school that day. goddammit

the apartment felt lifeless for a while after -- pets bring a lot of idle noise
there's still something missing, i feel. she was part of the household and there's a piece missing now

my mom asked me if i want to get a new pet
even if i get another pet, i don't think they can replace her

it's been a couple months since she died, and i'm coping
i've learned to get used to her not being here, but i still miss her so much

there's still a hole in my life where she used to be, but there are other holes too
things go away and change and as much as i hate that, it happens i guess